Lawyers and Stupidity

Brian Hassler

So is anyone else sick and tired of hearing about the upcoming baseball strike? Numerous people have come up with some pretty good solutions to end all talk of a strike, but it’s important to look at this in a different way.

Let’s stop and take a look at who is really to blame for all of this crap.

You may suggest it’s the greedy players or the greedy owners, but behind all of the fighting, arguing, and idiotic statements are the lawyers.

This all hit me yesterday as I was sitting in court. Hard to believe, but I had nothing to do with the case at hand. I was just there as an interested observer. Just making sure that nobody was getting hosed by the American court system.

Wait a minute! Everyone is looking at me. Did I just break wind? No. The other idiot lawyer has just referred to me. He’s trying to convince the judge that despite the fact that I’m 23, I’m still a child and shouldn’t be allowed to hear about these proceedings.

Then it hits me like a punch to the groin. This is why we are dealing with a baseball strike, and this is why I’m in court today. It’s all happening because the incredibly stupid are able to get a lawyer to keep things from getting solved.

Think about it for a second, and you’ll see what’s going on here.

Millionaire baseball players, and billionaire owners fighting over more money. Once you have a certain amount of money, it doesn’t really matter how much more you get. But then the lawyers step in and it all gets messed up. The more their client’s make, the more they make.

Which means the stupidity doesn’t end with the clients, but the lawyers keep the stupidity at a level that no normal person could maintain. After all, they have secretaries and clerks to help with the filing of the stupidity.

The lawyers keep pushing for more, since that means that they’ll make even more than what they were before. Since their clients are morons, it’s easy for them to push for more.

It’s easy for them to honestly believe that they can convince a judge that a 23 year-old adult is still a child, and it’s easy for them to believe that a guy who makes 11 million dollars a year should make even more.

Overall, it’s sad. The sport of baseball is willing to destroy itself just because those involved can’t handle the fact that there is a lot of money involved. It’s probably safe to assume that those lovly lawyers and their own selfish concerns are pushing things in this direction.

For the most part, this doesn’t end with baseball, but is happening because it has infected this nation long before it poisoned baseball.

Right now there are families that are filing lawsuits against Osama bin Laden for the attacks on 9/11. Do they honestly expect to get any money from it? It’s all about lawyers getting some time on the news to increase their own selfish goals.

But there is more to this than the blame game. It is time for a solution.

Maybe we could hire a guy who could just sit there and look at the reasons a person needs a lawyer. He could say, “What the hell are you thinking? You have no case!” Maybe it would be something like the look that the lawyer got for his definition of what a child is.

Until then, we will hear about a new strike every year, and the worst that society has to offer will be able to obtain legal counsel.

Fortunately, these losers seem to have a magnet in them that leads them to an attorney that is equally unintelligent. Perhaps the dumb leading the dumb won’t have too much of an effect.

How should I know, I’m still a child!