Student Feels Shut Out by ‘Vagina Monologues’

Hrach Demirjian
Special to El Vaquero

The entire month of March is dedicated to “Women’s History,” which some assume is completely different from human history.

Women have somehow separated from the rank of homo-erectus and have ascended into celestial entities who put on plays called “The Vagina Monologues” and hold two fingers up to their mouths in the shape of a “V,” originally for “victory,” but for the month of March which symbolizes the ever increasingly popular vagina (seen in the March issue of the school paper).

Where do people get off being offended by the “V” word? How dare they? Oh wait, “It’s all being done to end violence.” To end violence. Assuming that the vagina is the world’s cure-all and that a little vagina could, can go a long way in ending world hunger and creating world peace (possibly gaining radio contact with Martians and quite possibly the missing element the time machine needs to utilize to bend the space time continuum?), why not make Women’s History month all year long?

Better yet, why doesn’t the world finally come to realize the true nature of men: a pack of testosterone-driven, greedy, nuclear warhead proliferating, wife beaters who only serve the purpose of changing flat tires and killing spiders. I am a man. Where’s Men’s History Month? Where are my role models? Where’s my month?

“Violence can be ended immediately if everyone is aware we can live without it.”

What insight! New school motto, anybody? This statement from the United Womyn’s Council isn’t only sharp and insightful, it’s edgy and hip like misspelling “Women” with a “y.” Come on, take this seriously and think about it.

Violence could conceivably be ended this way. If everyone in the entire world, including the poor and homeless attend “the Vagina Monologues,” they might immediately learn that violence isn’t the answer.
The people don’t need more money to live on or eat or even put a down payment on a house, they don’t need equal pay for equal work, they don’t need healthcare or well-trained doctors or dentists (maybe only gynecologists) pediatricians or an affordable fuel efficient car that doesn’t pollute, they don’t need clean air, they don’t need protection from hijacked planes or robbers, thieves or illegal drugs or their dealers or scam artists or insurance defrauders, marauders, raiders, pirates.

What people really need is a play about women and their vaginas and it will be the instrument by which our troubled society immediately ends violence. It would too presumptuous to assume that violence is caused by socio-political-economic-cultural factors or even the fact that people are innately animalistic and have tendencies towards violence; of course, it is about vaginas and the women they belong to.
Of course, we know that this is being done to raise public awareness, but unfortunately in our age of publicity, important issues tend to slip into the category of the oversimplified.

This is the case with the article on the “Vagina Monologues” and its players who have grossly oversimplified the point of it all. Who can stand up in a crowd and say they are against violence prevention? The question really is: how do we go about it? If “The Vagina Propaganda” is all you got, stay home.