Dating in today’s generation of young adults has to be one of the most negative attributes of this era. It seems as if people will only date because they can either benefit from the other person or because they have their own selfish needs they want to fulfill. What happened to dating because you genuinely wanted to get to know the other person? Or possibly grow old with them and start a family? It seems, as of today, relationships are seen only as a keen way to not look lonely; to fit into a society norm where you look more put together if you have someone rather than be the awkward third wheel when you’re out with your friends.

Nowadays, the “hook-up” trend has become the new “relationship” status. We have hit this point in our generation where no one wants to be in a relationship because they want to be free, but still want to set relationship boundaries with their partner. It’s a mindset of “I don’t want to be in a relationship because I am not ready to be in one, but God forbid you’re talking to anyone else.”

Relationships used to be this chapter in your life where you’re not only growing up yourself, but you have someone else growing up with you as well. Now, it is the one thing that everyone seems to run away from. This generation has become so obsessed with the materialistic and physical aspect of relationships that they’ve forgotten what the true value of what they even represent.

Some people seem to only date and even marry just because of what the other person can provide for them; and that is the reassurance of having a stable future. But this is where the question lies. Why does your future need to depend on the person you decide to date? Why do you need someone else to provide something for you when you can get it yourself if you just work hard for it?

So many people tend to date just because they’re bored. They will agree to go out with another person for a free meal, a free trip to the movies or even just to brag about how “they have options” when in reality, it shouldn’t be that way. We’ve come to this point where someone might actually be interested in the other person and genuinely have the best intentions, but this hookup trend has everyone so confused that ultimately ends in one person playing games and the other person feeling like they’ve wasted their time before realizing it’s time to end it. Then comes this whole sense where once the person realizes they’ve screwed up, they try and fix it only to realize that the other person is long moved on and now they’re left with some heartbreaking feeling. It’s all a cycle.

The way I see it is, people should not be dating unless they really feel like that is where they are in their lives and they genuinely want to date. Not because they’re bored, not because they’re tired of being lonely and not because they are the only ones in their group or friends that doesn’t have a significant other. It’s sad to see that this era has confused sexual favors and love as the same thing because if we’re being blunt about this whole thing, that’s what it is. It’s this confusion of lust and love. I get it, we’re all human, we all have our own needs and desires we want to be fulfilled but that does not mean we can use that as an excuse to play with someone else’s emotions. It’s as that cliché saying goes; “it’s all a game until someone gets hurt.”

Relationships shouldn’t be about what the other person can provide for you. It’s about what YOU can bring to the table. What do you have going on for yourself? Everyone should have something going on for themselves; goals they want to accomplish before settling down. This whole phase of “I’m only young once” and “I just want to lash out” is no longer an excuse to being an asshole and thinking you can get away with it. It’s actually quite simple; you’re either mature enough or ready to date or you’re not.

Best advice to give living in this generation is to simply focus on you first. Focus on graduating, if you happen to still be in school. Focus on improving in your current job positions. Take care of your health and mental state of mind. Get your bank account looking nice, because lets face it, relationships and breaking up may suck, but knowing that you actually have something going on for yourself and that you don’t need a significant other to obtain something or make a name for yourself is an even better feeling.

It’s also worth taking to heart that you should not break someone else’s just because you’re not sure yet what you want. Don’t waste time and pretend you’re interested because someone was cruel to you. If you know you’re not ready to take the next step with someone else, swipe left.