It Ain’t Swede: Wacky American Laws

It all started when I read a post about Kinder eggs being illegal in the United States and that if you bring one into this country, the fine can be up to $2,500 PER EGG. ‘Bulls***!’ was my first thought, so I looked it up and to my surprise, it was true. These treats are banned because they can be a choking hazard for kids, but it was the weirdest law I had ever heard … until I released my inner researcher and found a few more stranger ones.

Let’s start closest to home. In Glendale you’re not allowed to bring your dog with you on an elevator, you can’t drive in reverse and it’s illegal to jump into a passing car.

These can be somewhat understandable, but why do you have to be 18 years to buy paraffin and wax containers? I’m not trying to judge, but I really want to know what happened with someone and a wax container.                                

If you decide to go to Long Beach to play some golf, I hope you have a good temper because it’s not legal to swear at a golf course. Oh sh*t, not for me then. But if you have to swear, use one of Max Fuller of Fuller House’s bad words: “darn, booger” or “Donald Trump.”

If you feel like you need to workout, but you have to cool off at the same time, don’t go to Baldwin Park and take your bicycle in the pool, just don’t. Ride a lap around the pool and then jump in. Without the bicycle, because that’s illegal.

What I really want to know is, what in the name of God did someone do to enforce a law that says you can’t drive more than 2,000 sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time? I mean, why would someone even want do something like that? I could understand if someone would drive 1,999 sheep, but 2,000? That’s just outrageous.

Let’s stay on the topic of animals. In Arcadia, peacocks have the same right as humans when it comes to crossing the road. People need to yield to the birds. Not to be fussy, but do you need a law for that? Isn’t that just common sense not to run over an animal?

If you like bigger animals, like an elephant, it’s ok to walk around San Francisco with it, as long as it has a leash. Yay! You can take little Dumbo on a stroll, but if you see someone that’s classified ugly or someone who wiped their car with used underwear, then you should call the cops, because that, my friends, is illegal.

I’ve always wanted to go to New York, but reading up on their laws just took the fun out of it. First, you can’t have an ice cream cone in your pocket on Sundays. I don’t know how I will survive without having my ice cream in my pocket instead of eating it.

You can’t have a donkey sleeping in your bathtub either. If you get caught flirting on the street, you can get a $25 fine. If you decide to jump off a cliff, think again, because your penalty will be — believe it or not — death.

And to keep being a party pooper, it’s also illegal to throw a ball at someone’s face just for fun. New York, you just put a law on all my weekend plans.

But nothing beats Florida, it’s illegal to fart in public after 6 p.m. on Thursdays. I think this law has brought out Shaggy’s title “It wasn’t me” more times than any other words.

I always to try compare the U.S. with Sweden, so I did my research and found that prostitution is legal, but it’s illegal to use the services of a prostitute.

Also, 18-year-olds can drink at a bar, but they can’t buy alcohol at the store until they’re 20. I don’t really know how either of those work, but maybe that’s the point?   

Sidenote: All laws have yet to be confirmed by city officials; Let’s just say I haven’t been caught breaking any of them … yet.