‘Scary Movie 3,’ More Scary Than Funny

Special to El Vaquero

There is a saying when it comes to movies that a sequel is never better than the original. So what if the original was not that good in the first place? Well, that means you got one ugly sequel on your hand. In this case one nasty three-quel.

“Scary Movie 3” is the latest installment in a series that makes fun of other horror movies. Keep in mind that when you make fun of something, you try to be funny.

What the makers of “Scary Movie 3” try to do is to see how long they can keep an audience amused with really bland jokes. This movie is not funny at all. The film thinks just because it mimics scenes from other far better movies, the audience will laugh. But it doesn’t work like that in this case.

The film begins with the same beginning as last year’s horror smash “The Ring.” Two young Catholic schoolgirl-type characters are having a pillow-fight until one of them mentions a videotape that kills people one week after they watch it. At the same time, we see a farm that is being covered with crop circles just like the ones in “Signs.”

Okay, I get it. Those are good movies to make fun of because they qualify as horror. But where did “8 Mile” come from? One of the main characters is a white rapper just like Eminem in “8 Mile.” But man, I mean talk about stretching a plot and a character so far just for jokes about a white guy competing in a rap competition.

As soon as numerous people start dying after seeing the tape, the main character, played by Anna Farris, starts to investigate the connection between people dying at the same time all of the crop circles are being reported. Well, that is basically the plot.

There’s barely any story here; the script is probably about 20 pages. The rest of it is just people beating the hell out of each other for laughs and black people saying “Foheezeeshozeegozeegoogalabapoo.” Is this what qualifies as comedy these days?

David Zucker, who actually is a comic genius, directed the film. Zucker directed the classic “Airplane!” which is hailed as one of the funniest movies of all-time. But unlike a good wine, Zucker did not get better with age. Let me explain to you why this movie is not funny.

This movie is supposed to be a spoof (emphasis on the word spoof). A spoof is supposed to make fun of other movies by using some of the familiar elements from that film.

A good example of this would be the “Hot Shots!” series, which poked fun at other war movies. Those movies were funny. What “Scary Movie 3” does is take scenes from other movies and adds dialogue that have no relation to that movie.

For example when the little girl from “The Ring” appears, the movie does not crack any jokes about the film. Instead the girl and other characters from the film start beating each other senseless. What does that have to do with “The Ring?” This film could have also been called “Random Movie 3.”

One of the very few times I chuckled was when Faris’ character ends up in the scene from “The Matrix Reloaded” where all the screens in the room had her picture on them. Then all the pictures turned into “Jeopardy!” squares. Keep in mind I said chuckled.

The acting is a joke, too. In spoofs the actors act bad on purpose to make fun of how characters acted in the film they are spoofing.
When “Scary Movie 3” is not attempting to make fun of other movies, it tries to survive on its own gags. This is the reason why “Scary Movie 3” is a lot worse than it should be.

The movie is filled with people kicking each other’s groins, punching the hell out of each other for no reason and tearing corpses apart. Then the film expects people to laugh at those gags. Yeah, maybe masochists and morbid people might.

The government should make it a law or even an amendment in the constitution for movies not to include the word “Foshizel-my-nizel” in any more comedies. This line does not only encourage African-American stereotypes but it also is not funny in the first place.

We should all hope that this is the last of the “Scary Movie” series. From this point there is nowhere to go but further down.

It is unfortunate how the public falls for these movies and allows movies like “Scary Movie 3” to earn over $50 million dollars its opening weekend, while great films like “Mystic River” make only a fraction of that amount.

There are even better comedies out there right now like “Under the Tuscan Sun.” Actually just about anything out there is better than “Scary Movie 3.”

Overall Score:
One Star
(Out of four.)