Satire: The Onion Switches to Real News


The satirical news company The Onion announced a major policy change from satire to covering real news. “It’s funnier,” said an Onion representative, “we just can’t make stuff up as crazy as what is really happening.” The first “real news” edition was published without fanfare or warning, and most Onion fans did not notice the change in policy.

Many modern comedians have expressed the tremendous difficulty they have creating new material in the post-2016 comedy world. The move towards truth in comedy is an organic reaction to the daily bombardment of mind-bending news stories.

Comedy experts feel the only hope is in the truth, as a source in the flailing comedy business explained, “Comedians like to bounce crazy ideas off reality, but the situation has flipped so the new comedy is to tell it like it is.”

The Onion will face an uphill battle to gain credibility as a news source due to its long history as an organ of satire. “Imagine you’re the White House Press Secretary, ok? Now here comes MAD Magazine for a press pass, do you call security or what?” our unnamed source said.

Instead of hiring an entirely new team of journalists, editors decided to re-purpose their current staff of humorists as newshounds. In a training session they were shown the film “His Girl Friday,” and obliged to sit through a talk by former New Republic reporter Stephen Glass on ethics in journalism and a lecture about inappropriate behavior in the workplace by noted onanist Louis C.K.

One Onion humorist-turned news reporter complained to El Vaquero during an interview for this piece, “What am I supposed to do? I can’t compete with the NYT.” After a few issues, The Onion will no doubt find its footing and may one day rival the New York Times, at least that’s what the publishers are hoping.