Kelly Clarkson, Others Incur Hunter’s Wrath

Graig Agop

When it’s good, it’s freaking great, when it’s bad you want to check into Promises Rehabilitation Center. Hi! Me still tired. The celebrity roller coaster is rough and rugged.

It’s like riding Queen Latifah through Vaquero Plaza. Damn! The highs and lows are overwhelming and the amount of hours you put in is like a full-time job and I don’t wanna go to work! Timing is everything. Little things you learn take years and you always learn the hard way, Kelly Clarkson style. But I’m glad to be along on this ride because most of the time, it’s my favorite time, and that’s party time! Yeah! Faster Queen Latifah! OMG! Britney spent Thanksgiving with Hanna Montana and her family! No joke! That’s soo hot! Anyway, on tonight’s menu: concerts, premieres and everyone’s gonna get it!

Breathtaking visuals dominated the stage and mesmerized the audience at the Henry Fonda when She Wants Revenge took the stage and rocked their second of two sold out shows on Nov. 10 in Hollywood. The color amber illuminated the theater as the band opened with “Red flags and Long Nights” from their self-titled CD, then followed it up with “These Things” and “Broken Promises for Broken Hearts.” Their hypnotic performance caught us off guard with the hit “Tear you apart” early on in the set.

Lead singer Justin Warfield played a few songs from their latest album “This is Forever,” and later took us home with the up beat “Out of control.” The band thrilled fans by delivering hit after hit. See She Wants Revenge next time they’re in town. They don’t disappoint! They had the best use of stage lights I have ever seen and I’m like the Tira Reed of concerts!

The premiere for the new Disney Film “Enchanted” which graced the El Capitan in Hollywood was on Nov. 17. “Grey’s Anatomy” co-stars James Pickens Jr., Chandra Wilson, and Justin Chambers were some of the cast members who arrived to support Doctor McSleepy, Patrick Dempsey. Dempsey avoided fans and collectors and was escorted in and out all night, which was harsh since he was the only name I needed to complete my two 12-by-18 photos that were signed by the rest of the cast.

Actor James Marsden was a no-show, but star of the film Amy Adams signed for fans at the upscale after-party in the parking lot behind the El Capitan. This premiere was beyond disappointing. Premieres are drawing larger crowds and it’s getting harder to get some work done.

Sometimes you know a bad idea as soon as you get one, but you still can’t help it. This idea is called “The Children’s Hospital benefit screening of High School Musical 2.”
With ticket prices at $250 each, I had my money machine radar set on actress by day, and struggling armature self- pornographer by night Vanessa Hudgens and teen heartthrob Zac Efron. Some people say Zac Efron looks gay, but I think that is disrespectful. I say he looks like a lesbian.

But, I did not have time to think about that! I had bigger problems on my hands! With this chaotic atmosphere, arriving early was not enough. The idea that I might get near the teen queens was not promising, but from $200 to $250 apiece, the amount I can get for their autographs, I figured I’d find a way to make it happen.

The premiere was a bunch of dead ends. Disney stars were everywhere but no one important would sign. Most of the cast blew off fans and snuck into the El Capitan – all besides potential spewing starlet Ashley Tisdale, who signed a few autographs before making her way in.

Disappointed fans grew tired and left as I made my way closer and put down the massive number of items I brought to get signed, which included posters, dolls and books. That’s how I roll.

Ten minutes after “High School Musical” started a limo pulled up and OMFG Vanessa Ann Hudgens made her way out of the El Capitan. I guess I didn’t recognize her with her clothes on, I freaked out, grabbing all the wrong things. I asked Vanessa if she would sign my poster. She nodded and waited. I couldn’t find a sharpie. I panicked. Trying to pull out the doll. I pulled out Tisdale’s doll instead. I freaked out! I felt my camera and decided to go for the photo instead, but she was not having it. Zac Efron walked behind her and started taking pictures with the very few fans that were left, while I tried to pull out my Zac doll. Vanessa entered the limo, followed by Zac, and there went the $1,000
I stood to gain for the event.

It’s the worst case scenario right in front of my eyes. Life’s a bitch. You win some, you lose some, but this was huge.- to get them in such a low-key environment where they are expected to sign with eight other people who were not collectors. I guess I must learn to always be prepared.

A security guard read Hudgen’s name on the poster there like “Oh, aw that’s who she is. There’s 12 of us are here just to look after her, they told us to keep an eye on Vanessa.” This is all due to her recent scandal.

Vanessa makes me feel uncomfortable. As you may have heard she took nude photos of herself for “networking” and they somehow got released on the net. I can barely look at her. So I came up with this sexy idea! How about they don’t allow her into Starbucks, Jamba Juice, Cold Stone, Baskin Robbins or anywhere else she can suck or lick because video footage of You Tube’s infamous “2 girl’s 1 cup” sounds more digestible then Vanessa Ann Hudgens one scoop…of ice cream. There is no doubt Vanessa Ann Hudgens is an incredible talent. We all know what her real talent is. So there they were the hottest couple in teen Hollywood.

Though Hollywood and New York are known for fancy bashes, the real party was surprisingly at none other then the True Vine Ministry Church in Oklahoma City. This exclusive 2,500-person guest list was invitation only. Celebrity attendees like Kanye West, Beyonce Knowles, and Jay Z were all apart of the celebration! This lavish gala featured a horse- drawn carriage and performances by John Legend and Anita Baker. Talk about a event to remember! Eat your heart out P. Diddy! Promoters called this party “Donda West’s funeral.” I don’t get it. Congrats on what sounds like the event of the year Kanye! Wish I were there!

Kelly Clarkson? Never again! The “My December” tour finally landed at the Gibson Amphitheatre on Nov. 18. Frizzy hair and sweatshirts were not only welcomed, but encouraged. Though ticket prices were more than $65 each, I got both my second row loge tickets off Craiglist for only $36. Having seen her before, I expected big things from this massive lady with an enormous voice.

The house lights went off and the white stage lights flickered as the curtain split into two revealing glimpses of Kelly sitting on a staircase wearing red. I was beyond ecstatic and ready to call for back up.
The “My December” album cover was recreated on stage. OMG! I felt the need for CPR, and as soon as I was about to call for paramedics, the lights came on and the magic was gone.

Kelly sported a butch shorter ‘do, black bell bottoms, and a silky blue halter top and opened with “One Minute” and followed up with “Behind these Hazel Eyes.” The stage looked empty and incomplete. The vocals were there, but it wasn’t enough. This low-budget tour suffered from a weak set list, which left me confused. How did she expect to keep her audience interested? In between sets she performed “Miss Independent,” gaining back control and making me look for a glow stick. Clarkson closed with “Breakaway” and encored with “Since you’ve been Gone.” Over all, it was very disappointing. She sings “Take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and break away.” She should have taken her own advice.

People ask “Where does one draw the line?” Well, to me that line is very clear, so much so that it’s written in huge neon orange letters, which glow in the dark and even light up occasionally! Those lights spell out Britney.

Britney Spears is off-limits. Why? It’s not my job to make fun of the handicapped, it’s my job to make fun of people who don’t realize they’re handicapped. I love you Britney!

Have a safe weekend! If you plan on drinking.well don’t … just kidding, but I’m really not. Although it has been another slow week, you’re caught up with the rest of Hollywood! Say no to Beyonce! Bye bitches!