Attention all women: The world is now ridden with evil pig monsters. They’re in our schools, our jobs, and even our homes. These monsters come in all shapes and sizes, and all titles. Some can be our dads, but don’t let his dad jokes fool you, he’s just as dangerous. If you see a monster, also known as a man, shoot on-site, no questions asked.
Women might be asking themselves, ‘Why men? What have they done?’ Well those are very stupid questions. What have men not done? They have been responsible for genocides and serial rapings that date back to the Crusades, and did you know the Crusaders fought in the name of Jesus Christ who was, you guessed it, a man.
Even the men we were told to look up to were terrible individuals. George Washington owned slaves, Charlie Chaplin was a pedophile, and George Bush Sr. would grab women’s butts when they posed for photos. And what kind of world do we live in, when we can’t trust the Bush family.
“The only solution to this epidemic of mass murdering and raping in our society is to get rid of men, once and for all,” said Mayor of Los Angeles Eric Garcetti before getting attacked by a group of #Metoo activists.
All current male politicians will be will be automatically substituted by women of equal value. President Donald Trump will be replaced with Roseanne Barr, a fellow incredibly loud and wealthy television personality.
“I am so happy to be president of the United States of America, and I didnt even have to kill Jill Stein to get here,” yelled President Barr at a flock of birds passing by.
Women have dealt with enough scrutiny from men for too long. Whether it is men giving them unsolicited compliments, or opening doors for them, as if they can’t do it themselves. And getting women pregnant, as if they can’t do it themselves.
In 2018, we have learned a lot. Some might say too much, some might say too little, and some might say, too much of too little. But one thing is for sure, the greatest threat to mankind is man.
And whether you’re Weinstein, Einstein, or Rammstein as long as you’re all born male, you’re all a target.
Rudy Guijarro can be reached at [email protected]